i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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