hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
