So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
