BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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