hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
im on a boat
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