is your mom at the bar?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
