p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
