I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
