Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
