My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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