So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
