there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
