I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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