Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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