I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
