I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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