I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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