I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
