when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
