Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
