Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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