There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
