dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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