you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
