Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
