hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
