Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
