just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
