she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
