Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
