he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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