You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize