um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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