as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
