Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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