6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
