I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
