Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
