i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
