Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
