: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
