I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pants 0. Shit 1.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
