I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
