I accidentally had phone sex last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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