haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
