A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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