TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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