oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
