I'm eating all of the evidence.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
