i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
