My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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