After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're too hungover to prance.