Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

(1-415): View more from California

What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

(415): View more from California

He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

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(714): View more from California

my room smells like sperm. sweet.

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(916): View more from California

We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.

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(650): View more from California

My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

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(646): View more from New York

just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.

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(661): View more from California

You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.

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