dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges