Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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