so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.