I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid