just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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