great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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