Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
