I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
