I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
