you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
