We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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