i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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