Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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