Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
