Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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