Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
