i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
