wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
