I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
