Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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