i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
