he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize