I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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