im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
