my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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