I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
