So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
