The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
