I seem to have left my pride at pride
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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